It's Uffie Of Course! ... But Why?

Alright kiddies. It’s that time of year to push a certain Ed Banger artist into the spotlight. This issue has been pressing my mind for a very long time. A fuse has been lit, and my random rant has been sparked! Sparked by a little joke of a kid name Uffie of course!!!

It’s been bothering me all this time! I just can’t seems to bend my mind around the reason behind how she even came to exist among the genius of the Ed Banger crew. Every time her name is uttered, I am left with a clueless gasp and a “Say Wha!!”

It completely obliterates my mind how she acquired a record deal with one of the greatest, if not the greatest, record labels on the electro scene right now. Maybe it’s because of her “given on a platter” rise to stardom that other artists work so desperately hard for, for years. The only possible explanations in my mind are a lucky series of events. Mainly consisting of “banging” Feadz. To haters of this article right now, ask yourself this. Without him, would Uffie truly be anything? And the board says . .. NO.

When she responds to “haters” in her music, it just further justifies her supremely utter lack of true talent. She can’t even bite back at her critics with fierceness, without making rhymes that sound like a teeny bopper trying to fuck with the Queen Bee’s of middle school. Her career launching track, the club killer “Pop the Glock” was an original composition. I’ll give her that. But once again to bring back the thunder, it was produced by none other than the dope swagger of Feadz. The beginning DJ in a series of DJ’s who would be there to invent and rescue her tracks in the time to come.

Now don’t get the wrong idea. It is perfectly fine and 100% NORMAL for artists to work with supreme DJ’s and other magical geniuses. But, when every single track is done this way, you are standing on the borderline of “automatically programmed singing doll”.

So beep, fucking, beep border patrol. Uffie is your prisoner bitch. Aside from being a banging track, the electro, hip-hop hybrid “Pop the Glock” holds no golden lyrics, no underlying messages, no nothing. Nothing but a good time, and the “stunning “ revelation that Uffie knows how to make guys “freaky hard”. And tootsie roll? Really? Do you think she would know anything about that? No. Didn’t think so. “Cruising militia”? WTF? I won’t even touch that. In addition, her lyrics contradict themselves. She says she’s “rated X”. But then later on, she say’s “I’m gifted and ain’t gotta sell sex”.
WTF. If she doesn’t have to sell sex why would she make the “freaky hard” reference and the “Rated X” swipe?

Yeah that really adds up Uffie. Good job kiddo.

Aside from all that, I love Uffie’s voice and the way she “talk sings” , “raps” whatever. I just don’t like how talent less, and un-original she is. She lacks a true appreciation and love for music like the other Ed Banger artists. In every interview, when questioned about her quick, easy success, she always says something around the area of “it was a great opportunity that not many people get, and it sounded fun so I took it”. Nobody who claims themselves to be a true artist or music lover would make that type of comment.

Bottom line: Why would such a talented groups of musical prodigies be susceptible to taking such a random, seemingly talentless chick with a cute voice and giving her a record deal? Am I the only one who sees something wrong here?


-Cassidy